Coming to the end of a relationship is always going to be a difficult situation to navigate for any person. This can be made more complicated if you were living together at the time of a break-up.
Whether you own a home jointly, individually or rent together, there are some practical considerations you will need to factor in to navigate your break-up in the best way for yourself. At Extra Room, we often support individuals who may be moving home due to a break-up or looking to put items into storage whilst they move through a difficult time in their lives.
We have put together some tips for navigating this challenging time. We’ve worked with relationship experts to offer emotional support and guidance, as well as offering our own practical tips for organising your belongings.
What to do if you own a home with your partner?
Hannah, representative for LUMA Luxury Matchmaking advises: “If you own a house with your ex-partner, things can get tricky. The first thing you’ll want to do is determine whose name is on the deed. This will inevitably determine who has more leverage in court. If you can keep your break up amicable, consider buying out your ex-partner and owning the home yourself if you can easily afford it. If not, you can sell the home and split the profit with your ex. Another viable option is to temporarily share your home with your ex until you both can acquire other housing. Of course, this only works if you two are on good terms.”
Dr. Max Riv, Clinical Psychologist from Love Discovery Institute, adds: “If you co-own a property, it’s important to discuss whether one of you will stay and buy the other out, or if selling is the best option. Seek legal or financial advice early to ensure decisions are fair, and consider a mediator to help facilitate these conversations.”
If you rent together
Dr. Max Riv advises: “If you’re renting, review your lease together. Decide who will stay (if anyone), and work with your landlord on how to handle breaking or transferring the lease. Make sure you’re both clear about who’s responsible for any remaining payments or deposits.”
Hannah, representative for LUMA Luxury Matchmaking advises: “If you have been renting your housing with your ex, you’re going to have to face the (financial) facts: if any, which partner can comfortably afford to pay the rent alone? Is it viable for either partner to move out within the next month? Can you and your ex cohabitate until the end of your lease comfortably? Address these questions with your ex, and decide which exit plan works amicably for both of you. You may have to make sacrifices, but if you and your ex ended things on decent terms and you are not in danger around them, it may be the best decision to compromise.”
Navigating pet custody
Hannah, representative for LUMA Luxury Matchmaking advises: “Navigating ownership of shared pets is arguably the most painful aspect of a breakup for animal lovers. Many of us love our pets like we love people, and they become a true part of our families. I advocate for custody arrangements for shared pets so that no one has to lose. However, that may not be possible if one or both partners are planning to leave their current locale. In these cases, take emotions out of your conversation and decide which partner can truly give the pet its best life.”
Dividing valuable assets & belongings
Dr. Max Riv gives the following advice: “Start by listing out your joint purchases. You can divide them based on use or emotional attachment. If necessary, sell larger items and split the proceeds. Keeping things fair helps reduce tension.”
Hannah, representative for LUMA Luxury Matchmaking also advises: “If you and your ex share valuable items, you’ll also want to have a discussion as to who gets what. First, each partner should make a list of the items they want most. Once you compare lists, it’s time to negotiate for any items you’d both like. You’ll want to consider each item carefully and which partner will ultimately get the most use out of it. You can also have items appraised for their value and then divide your assets in half.”
Additional Tips
Get agreements in writing
Ensuring you get any joint decisions in writing will offer reassurance and help if you need clarification later down the line. This could include making notes on decisions for splitting bills while you both find new accommodation, agreements on who gets custody of pets or decisions on money owed to either party.
Check your personal financial responsibilities
It’s wise to review your monthly outgoings and check what payments are due. You may have subscriptions you are paying for for your partner’s benefit that you no longer need and cancelling this can save you further costs at a time where you may need to save more.
Keep communication open
It can be hard to communicate in a break-up, especially if there has been wrongdoing from one party to the other, but it is in your interest to keep a line of communication where division of assets is concerned. If you own a home you will need to make decisions on what happens with the property. To make this easier you can instruct a solicitor to communicate on your behalf.
Use storage to protect your belongings and buy you some time
Sometimes people may feel that they need to move out of a shared home to help the break-up process. If you move somewhere temporary or somewhere small for a time, then consider renting a self storage unit. A self storage unit can enable you and your things to move out quickly. Whilst things are in storage you can then take your time to make the best decision for your next steps. You may also need to keep items stored until agreements have been made on who takes ownership of what.
Keep things logical
During a break-up emotions can run high which can lead to disagreements and difficulty moving through decisions which need to be made to move on. Try to focus on the facts and leave emotions out of discussions regarding your home and finances, this will lead to more practical choices being made in your best interest.
Try to make mutual decisions
It can be difficult to make joint decisions if communication has broken down, so lean on mutual friends and your families to help bridge the gap. Making joint decisions will empower you both to feel assured and achieve the best outcome for both sides.
Make a plan for cohabiting if you need to keep living together in the short term
If you have a rental agreement you can’t get out of or you need time to find a new place to live, you can end up needing to continue to cohabit until one or both of you finds alternative accommodation. Consider how you will both navigate this and try to create boundaries and rules for living together peacefully.
Navigating the emotions of a break up
Dr. Max Riv advises: “Moving out signals the end of an emotional chapter, which can be overwhelming. To manage this, create a support system, focus on self-care, and give yourself time to grieve. It’s also helpful to set up new routines in your living space to create a sense of stability.”
Michael Anderson, Clinical Director at Healing Pines Recovery, adds: “Going through a breakup from a relationship where couples lived together is perhaps one of the most emotionally trying scenarios one can ever encounter. Trying to disentangle each other’s life when they once shared a home is made even more difficult. The act of moving out or the breakup itself can be extremely painful. People find a mix of grief, anxiety, and relief, which can be overwhelming. It is essential to bear in mind these emotions and accept that it is part of the course. “Making sure to practise self-care and permitting yourself to grieve the end of your relationship is crucial when you are in a phase like this one. This change rapidly involves something significant, and it is alright to feel something about that. Sadness and anger, much as they do hurt, come neatly packaged as normal responses to shock and unexpected change. Let yourself settle and comprehend some of these emotions as you move on.”
What you can do to protect your assets
According Citizen’s Advice, you can take steps to protect your belongings in common law marriage (where you live together but are not married). You can draw up a legal agreement, known as a cohabitation agreement or living together agreement, this outlines your rights and obligations whilst you live together. This can include how you split assets.
If you share a bank account, you should also consider whether this is the best method for you in the event of a split. A joint account entitles both parties access to the money inside, regardless who has paid more in. It might be practical to have both a separate and joint account to keep any money you want to protect in an account of just your name.
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